Birthdays in pictures: 2015

Birthdays

We never celebrated birthdays when we were little. My granny said eating birthday cakes would make us naughty. It probably is an old wives' tales, but all kids grow up a little naughty, if not, cheeky.

Naturally, I got quite accustomed to not celebrating my birthday too. The act of huddling around a person and a cake with flames on it, while others sing in unison seems like what a cult would do. That goes for campfires too. I can only imagine a murderer lurking in the dark, preying and choosing his/ her first victim.

When my family starting celebrating birthdays, I simply went along, because it seems like that's what they'd want.

You see, motherhood is such an odd thing. It changed so much I knew about myself, sometimes I no longer know this person. Is it an obsession or simply love?

2nd November 2012 was the day I first met Emma. I was so caught up with the pulses of pain, I couldn't and didn't make sense of anything. The pain went on for 8 hours. Finally, I was told my hips are apparently too small to expand any further. A natural delivery was not possible. Mask on, Epidural up and I was in a blur. Fast-forward three years, Emma has grown into a little lady who calls Julia as 'my Julia'.

31st October 2014. This date was chosen by a Fengshui master. If I brought up Julia well, she could be a 官 or official, he said. I hope we're doing alright. Brendan said he didn't want Julia to be a Halloween baby, but I'm too Chinese to care about dressing up and children with their sugar rush. She has been nothing close to horror, but she's cheeky and always up for play with Emma.

Emma and Julia clearly love each other very much. They roll around in bed and that's good enough to get giggles out of them.

Their birthdays not only make the day they were born. Their birthdays are also my day; the anniversary of how many years I've had this role.

What's our beef with single parent families?

After reading Carrie's post about single-parent-families, I was left thinking about how I got here, or rather, how I didn't become a single parent. 

Let's start at the beginning.

It was around April 2012, when I discovered I was pregnant. I didn't know if I should keep the baby, before I got to how and when to tell my parents. 

Pregnancy happens when an egg is fertilised by a sperm. That's it. It takes two parties for this to happen, whether either party is willing or not. When I got pregnant, I couldn't stop crying and I realised why one day. It wasn't the guilt of killing of my own child that going to kill me, it was the thought of not being with it. That's when I decided I'd keep it, or we'll end everything together. 

As it turns out, deciding to keep the baby was the easiest decision for me. Endless comments about expensive diapers and formula never stopped coming from my mother. There was so much pressure from other family members too, about making a decision. 

I almost gave up. 

I weighed my options; marriage or single-parenthood. Money was the last concern on my mind. It'd work out financially, if I try hard and smart enough. I didn't and couldn't let my child grow up with stigma of having a single mother. Our society is hard and selfish. Maybe we're getting kinder, I wouldn't know for sure. I became selfish. I didn't want my struggle to be my daughter's struggle. 

I don't know how many of such marriages like mine ended up in divorce. I don't know if mine will turn out that way too. Although I've never been happier in my life, I have made a lot of sacrifices and lead a life very different from my peers.

If you can't deal with parenthood now, be smart about your actions. 

If unexpected events happen and you're left in this position, deal with it. No one else can do it for you.

Bottom line, pregnancy is a reaction to actions and parenthood is a responsibility. Marriage, pregnancy and parenthood are three co-related, but completely different things. 

Learn from my mistake. 

Easy Meatballs

This is a simple, basic recipe for meatballs, which can be easily spruced up with spices and sauces. Serve it over pasta or with roasted vegetables for a complete meal. Western recipes tend to use breadcrumbs to hold the meatballs together, while Asian recipes opt for cornstarch for the same purpose.

Serves: 2, Cooking time: 30 minutes

Ingredients

• 1 tablespoon of olive il
• 1 white onion, roughly chopped
• 500 grams ground meat
• 1 Egg
• 1/2 teaspoon of cornstarch
• 1 tablespoon (1/8 block) of SCS Butter, Unsalted

Instructions

1. Place ground meat in a blender or food processer. 
2. Heat olive oil in a medium pan and sauté onions till tender and clear. Transfer cooled onions into blender.
3. Blend onions, ground meat and egg for 1 minute. 
4. Spoon balls of meat mixture into pan with medium heat and cook for 7 - 9 minutes on 2 sides till juices run clear. 

Tips

• Eggless version: mix 1 tablespoon of flaxseed meal and 3 tablespoon of water. Set aside for 1 hour before using. 
• Mixing the meat mixture in a single direction allows the mixture to create layers, resulting in meatballs that hold their shape better. 
• Double the recipe and store cooked meatballs in the freezer for meals on busy nights. Defrost in microwave on high for 3 minutes or bake at 200°C for 15 minutes. 
• One-pot pasta: Cook meatballs for 3 minutes on 2 sides, throw in uncooked pasta and pasta sauce. Add enough water to cover everything and simmer until pasta is cooked. 

This is one of my recipes created with SCS Butter. For on-going contests and more, check out Bubbamama.com.

Wearing the wrong clothes.

2007: Me (centre) with awesome people 

With Nickelback blasting and the recent passing of our grandfather, I still can't shake off this nagging thought.

When news broke of how a poor family's hopes for their daughter to embark on a career of healing was robbed by a group of intoxicated men, my insides burned with anger and indignation. Over a year later, during the interview of one of those sick men, this line of "wearing the wrong clothes" hit a nerve too close.



I was 16. It was a sleepy quiet Saturday morning and I was en route to Newton Station for my track training. Most would take the seat beside the glass panel in a bid to sneak in a little nap. I liked that seat because it meant only one side would be exposed to strangers. A Chinese man old enough to be my father, dressed in a yellow fluorescent jersey seated himself next to me. That was an odd move, considering how there were less than 10 in that section of the train. I brushed it off. He started to nod off, as though he was falling asleep, leaning closer to me. Soon, he began man-spreading. Only when it felt like something was definitely off, I had just realised the train was approaching Novena Station and I stood up immediately. That was the moment he placed his filthy hand on my upper thigh. Gravity don't push things up. In the few mintues of waiting for the City-bound train to arrive, he stood at the mid-section of the staircase, watching me.

I was 16, in my school's PE tee shirt and shorts. You'd be able to guess how old I was.


I was 20. The afternoon sun shone brightly through the glass of Wheelock Place. Standing on the upwards escalator, I noticed a bright flash in the reflection at the glass sides of the escalator. I looked behind and asked what he was doing. He took off and all I could remember was a black cap, black tee shirt, blue jeans and that black sling bag. It took me a couple of minutes to register all that. There were others around too. Did they not see anything? I made a police report and waited alone by the main entrance for the police. It was the longest 45 minutes of my life. Blur surveillance footage and vague description proved to be as useful as mug with a hole. He was old enough to be my brother.

I was 20, in a mini-dress in broad daylight in a busy shopping district.

Was I wearing the wrong clothes?

Remembering Lee Kuan Yew

Emma & Julia, 

Today, we have lost a great man. 

Today, the blue blooms on my skirt and my pink shoes don't make me smile on the inside and outside. 

Today, the rare occasion of having a sugar-laden prata breakfast doesn't make this morning good. 

One day, you both will know about this man and what he has done for us. In all possible ways, he has outdone many of us. He did what every student should do, learn and excel academically. He met the love of his life and married her, before graduating university together. They stuck together, through thick and thin, and later had three children. When his wife fell ill, he encouraged her to swim daily in a bid for her to nurse her health. He sacrificed time with his children to a cause dedicated his life to; building a safe home for us. 

Hopefully one day, you both will meet a man as great as him and work together for better tomorrows.

'For reasons of sentiment, I would like part of my ashes to be mixed up with Mama's, and both her ashes and mine put side by side in the columbarium. We were joined in life and I would like our ashes to be joined after this life.'

Love, 

your mommy. 

Miso Braised Pork

Besides adding a savoury touch to dishes, miso had been known for its health benefits as well. This fermented paste aids digestion and improves blood quality, just to name a few. I use miso as a replacement for salt as well.

This recipe may seem like hours of braising will be needed, but this only takes 30 minutes or less! Chicken or beef works in this recipe too. My dear friend a.k.a Emma's jiejie, Camy, got me miso from zairyo.sg and I love it!

Serves: 2, time: 30 minutes

Ingredients
- 1 tablespoon of oil
- 2 tablespoons of miso
- 1cup of water
- 1 carrot, chopped
- 1 potato, chopped
- 1/2 cup of mushrooms, chopped
- 1 white onion, sliced
- 400 grams of sliced meat

Instructions
1) Heat oil over medium heat and cook onion for a few minutes.

2) Add miso and water into pot and mix until the miso has been fully dissolved.

3) Add carrots, potatoes and choice of meat and cook over medium low heat for 30 minutes.

When it comes to abuse, one time is too many times.

There are many things I can put up with and the only thing I will never live with is those taking advantage of others.

In the image above, the boy in blue was thrown up and down like a soft toy, while in the one below, a little girl fell over after being slapped over kimchi. Check the link below for the video and news report.

http://www.channelnewsasia.com/mobile/asiapacific/south-koreans-outraged/1595358.html

While I know next to nothing about law to comment on "lenient sentences", what I do know is taking care of others. If you can't take care of others, just leave them alone. If you can't add value to someone or something, leave them alone. If you can't invest in the next generation, who happens to be the future, leave them alone.

While I know next to nothing about law, what I do know is I will not hesitate to take matters into my own hands, given the ideal situation.

Motherhood taught me about the vulnerability of life and that made me fearless.

Motherhood: What they never told you.

Most of you probably don't know this. When I discovered I was 2.5 months pregnant, I was unmarried at 24. My boyfriend and I struggled with the decision on whether to keep this life. We didn't know if we'd be able to be able provide what this little life deserves. What I knew was I'd be with her, even if we only had each other.

When my family found later about my pregnancy, worries and arguments came. No one was confident we could be responsible for another life, especially financially. I toughened up, but the struggles within the family broke me down so many times. But I had to do whatever it takes to ensure  my daughter would grow up with happiness.

I prepared for her arrival by studying and reading every single day about pregnancy, diaper-changing, insurance and everything in between. Did you know that the an adult' skin is three times thicker than a baby's?

Before I knew it, she was here. Emma. During our first meeting, a laughing-gas-drugged me was reaching out for her, going "baby......". We had a photo taken quickly before she was wheeled away into the nursery. My savings from working as a butler at Marina Bay Sands was entirely wiped out by the time we discharged, but in my arms, I held the most precious being I ever known. A love I will love like no other.

She grew up so quickly and then came along news of another love. This time, I was preoccupied with work and Emma, and this pregnancy flew by. The arrival of Julia only hit me when I was lying on hospital bed as the nurses wheeled me off into the waiting area, while the operating theatre was being prepped. Tears flowed unknowingly and nerves were creeping on me. Within an hour, I'll be a mommy to my second daughter, and I didn't know if I did well enough the first time to have Julia. Emma never gave me feedback.

Once again, we leave the hospital. Oh, we just moved into my new flat too.

Here's what no one told me about motherhood.


- You love your child. You simply do.
You love your baby from the moment you learn of its existence. You know nothing about this life, probably not even the gender, before you meet this little one, but you simply love this baby. You might hope for your daughters to find someone who loves them more than you do.

- Your heart is at the mercy of your child.
You cry after a breakup, or when frustration builds up, you can no longer hold back your feelings and thoughts. When your child refuses to eat from feeling feverish and achy mouth ulcers, you'd wish you could be the one suffering, but there's nothing much you can do. Your heart aches when your baby isn't beside you.

- Being a parent is the most tiring/ fulfilling/ frustrating/ job ever.
Night feedings to keeping up with a toddler's endless amount of energy means little sleep, but you do it anyway. The smiles, burps, farts and surprise back hugs keeps you going.

- Every moment is a #proudmommy moment. Practically.
From her first Christmas wreath made with leaves and a paper plate to saying thank-you's leaves you beaming with pride, because you're proud of every single tiny achievement.

- This is full-time, redefined.
Clock out, and work is over. You never clock out from being a parent. From the moment you learn of this baby, you will do everything at anytime for the well-being of your little love.



One day, when I leave before my time, I hope this blog will let them know how much I love them.

Steamed Egg Pudding

All you need is 16 minutes for a warm bowl of creamy fluffy egg custard. Its soft pudding-like texture makes it suitable for anyone of any age. Now you can have Hong Kong-style milk pudding without the hefty airplane ticket!

Serves: 1, time: 16 minutes

Ingredients

•  1 cup of milk
• 1 egg
• 2 tablespoons of cream
• 1 teaspoon of sugar

Instructions

1) Mix milk and egg in a cup and pour through a sieve, directly into a ceramic bowl. 

2) Steam for 15 minutes on medium low heat, until the centre is set. 

3) Top with milk and sugar and enjoy! 

Pilot.

2015 marks the beginning of this blog, a space of my own, a diary of daily life, a book of recipes and a craft book of threads and fabrics.

This is truly a space of my own.


Lavinia.