Most of you probably don't know this. When I discovered I was 2.5 months pregnant, I was unmarried at 24. My boyfriend and I struggled with the decision on whether to keep this life. We didn't know if we'd be able to be able provide what this little life deserves. What I knew was I'd be with her, even if we only had each other.
When my family found later about my pregnancy, worries and arguments came. No one was confident we could be responsible for another life, especially financially. I toughened up, but the struggles within the family broke me down so many times. But I had to do whatever it takes to ensure my daughter would grow up with happiness.
I prepared for her arrival by studying and reading every single day about pregnancy, diaper-changing, insurance and everything in between. Did you know that the an adult' skin is three times thicker than a baby's?
Before I knew it, she was here. Emma. During our first meeting, a laughing-gas-drugged me was reaching out for her, going "baby......". We had a photo taken quickly before she was wheeled away into the nursery. My savings from working as a butler at Marina Bay Sands was entirely wiped out by the time we discharged, but in my arms, I held the most precious being I ever known. A love I will love like no other.
She grew up so quickly and then came along news of another love. This time, I was preoccupied with work and Emma, and this pregnancy flew by. The arrival of Julia only hit me when I was lying on hospital bed as the nurses wheeled me off into the waiting area, while the operating theatre was being prepped. Tears flowed unknowingly and nerves were creeping on me. Within an hour, I'll be a mommy to my second daughter, and I didn't know if I did well enough the first time to have Julia. Emma never gave me feedback.
Once again, we leave the hospital. Oh, we just moved into my new flat too.
Here's what no one told me about motherhood.
- You love your child. You simply do.
You love your baby from the moment you learn of its existence. You know nothing about this life, probably not even the gender, before you meet this little one, but you simply love this baby. You might hope for your daughters to find someone who loves them more than you do.
- Your heart is at the mercy of your child.
You cry after a breakup, or when frustration builds up, you can no longer hold back your feelings and thoughts. When your child refuses to eat from feeling feverish and achy mouth ulcers, you'd wish you could be the one suffering, but there's nothing much you can do. Your heart aches when your baby isn't beside you.
- Being a parent is the most tiring/ fulfilling/ frustrating/ job ever.
Night feedings to keeping up with a toddler's endless amount of energy means little sleep, but you do it anyway. The smiles, burps, farts and surprise back hugs keeps you going.
- Every moment is a #proudmommy moment. Practically.
From her first Christmas wreath made with leaves and a paper plate to saying thank-you's leaves you beaming with pride, because you're proud of every single tiny achievement.
- This is full-time, redefined.
Clock out, and work is over. You never clock out from being a parent. From the moment you learn of this baby, you will do everything at anytime for the well-being of your little love.
One day, when I leave before my time, I hope this blog will let them know how much I love them.
